As I briefly glance back to see how far I’ve come, I realize that the road behind me has gone farther than what is comprehensible. The view seemed blurred by the distance; a haze of warm, hopeful feelings makes me long to rewind time. That trail of sweet memories—was it possible to relive them? Those days of innocence and simplicity—are they just left behind forever? I am unfortunately stuck in a forward direction and I cannot walk backwards. If I could stay in those precious, lovely moments, I definitely would. Nevertheless, this unwanted fate has purpose beyond my stubborn understanding. I must keep moving onward to blank pages for this beautiful scenery behind me to be painted. Yet still I find myself wanting to be printed with my past forever—frozen like a man smiling happily in a photograph. That way I would stay smiling forever.
Giving off a sigh filled with longing and partial acceptance, I look forward again at this seemingly never-ending walkway. The view from here was shaded by a fog of uncertainty; a white haze covering the unknown. What goes on beyond this? What will happen to me? I cannot see and I am not sure, making my heart pound with anticipation and an ounce of fear. Once more, I turn my head to glance beyond my shoulder to see the warm bright past in contrast to the unknown cold future. Though I may prefer to stay in those moments of sunshine, I have no choice but to move forward. There is no other way.
Walking through the streets of this countryside, I don’t even remember why I’m here. I don’t know what I’m doing here. It’s dark; this pretty little path between the magnificent golden rice fields have always been a scary pitch black past six o’clock without the sun, and in the darkness the cold starts to bite. My face is numb, the fists I made has been stiffly shut, and knees knock together as I tremble. November has never been this cold in my life.
I should definitely head home, but where is home? Is home nothing but a roofed building with proper temperature regulation and a place to lay my head to rest? If that’s the case, then just about anywhere is home. So I went to look for the closest of that sort that I could find. How about this gray concrete block? Inside the concrete block was a warm room and a bed. This is home. Or is it? My body felt warm, yet I still felt the cold. The room was bright, yet the image of the darkness still lingered. Why am I not happy? Is this not where I am supposed to be?
Is there a problem? Am I supposed to fix something else? Something is not right, and I don’t know what to do. I feel this piercing cold deep inside my soul that I cannot get rid of. Can someone help me? Is anyone there? This darkness is a nightmare; this cold is agonizing. And the worst part is: I am all alone. Where is everyone? Did I bid all of them farewell? Did I get lost all alone after setting off on my journey?